Dear Dean
by songofthepen
Summary: Dean goes into a coma. Cas writes. Rated T for mentions of sex.
1. Chapter 1

Dear Dean,

It's Castiel.

You went into a coma today. The doctors say it's very bad, and that you may never wake up. I don't believe them, Dean. You're always so strong, you'll survive this. You will, right? Sam says, even if you don't, he'll find a way to bring you back. He's been staying out a lot later than usual, Dean.

He comes home with the scent of alcohol on his clothes. You need to come back soon and take care of him.

I'm only writing this little letter so that when you wake up again, you can read them and see that I haven't forgotten you. I know you always groan and say, "No chick flick moments, Cas," but I think this is important.

I bet that when you wake up you'll want to know why you're in a coma, so here it is.

What happened was that we were on a pretty difficult hunt, and a werewolf tossed you into a building because you were protecting me.

It seems so odd, you're always getting flung about, (like a ragdoll, Dean!) but this time I guess something hit your head, because you were only conscious for ten minutes after that. Sam took care of the werewolf while I came to check on you.

Dean, I'm so sorry. It's all my fault- I did this to you. If I wasn't so weak, maybe if I still had my angel 'mojo' as you called it, I could have protected myself.

I could have protected you.

You always say that I'm not weak, that I'm good at hunting, but look what happened to you.

You always have to save me. You said it would be your dying wish, to save both me and Sam.

Please don't make that wish come true.

It's funny, you know, because today is the day we celebrated our first anniversary. One year since you finally told me that you loved me; one year since I told you the same.

And now I may never see you laugh again, never see those fantastic eyes glow with pleasure, or rage.

Please don't die, Dean. Sam and I, we need you. I need you.

Love,

Castiel.


	2. Chapter 2

Dear Dean,

You got a little worse today. Sam tried to explain what was wrong to me, but I'm not sure I truly understand.

I originally was going to only write one letter to you, as I hoped you'd wake up before I had to write another, but it's a week later and I fear that's not the case.

I went to visit you on Tuesday. It was bad, Dean. You looked dead. You looked hollowed out and weak.

I'm scared, Dean. I'm scared that you're going to abandon me on Earth since I can't follow you to Heaven, not unless I…

Sam made me promise not to, no matter what happens.

I don't know if I would be able to live on without you. After all, I am a Winchester, at least temporarily. Sam says I am, anyway. I think Sam is depressed. He hasn't slept in two days. I would know, I haven't slept at all either.

I miss you so much it hurts.

I miss you holding me and watching horrible action movies with me, Dean.

I miss you taking us all out for ice cream and strippers after a good hunt.

I miss watching you fight, the grace and strength you do everything with.

I even miss arguing with you, because it was better that watching you rot away in a hospital bed, tubes sticking out of your every orifice.

Please wake up soon Dean.

Love,

Castiel.


	3. Chapter 3

Dear Dean,

I've been very lonely of late.

It's almost a month since you went under, and you've been getting steadily worse.

Sam is researching, looking for something that could help, but he can't find anything. He's getting desperate, and so am I.

I had a dream, last night, Dean. You know I don't dream very often, so it was rather strange. I was lying a field, surrounded by tall, swaying grasses, staring up into the hateful sun that likes to burn me.

You were there, Dean, and you were healthy again. I sat up, and you smiled. I never told you how perfect your smile was.

I hope I never forget the way your eyes crinkle up at the corners and your lips twitch when you smile at me.

You told me you were okay, that you were somewhere better.

I think you were lying.

You told me that I should find someone better for me, maybe even get out of the life.

I will never find someone better than you, Dean. Never.

You told me to take care of Sammy, but why don't you wake up so you can?

I woke up with tears in my eyes.

Sam didn't say anything, but he knew. He knew.

I don't ever want to let go of you Dean.

I was your guardian angel, and I still am. You are my everything and I know that if you die, I will too. So stick around, please.

I really need you. I still don't know how to operate a vacuum cleaner, or how to fix a car, or how to keep things clean properly. You need to teach me all kinds of things, Dean, and you can't do that out of a hospital bed!

So please, please, please, wake up.

I love you,

Castiel


End file.
